There's Gotta Be More

Sat in the library today, staring curiously out the window, asking myself, 'Is this really it?  Is this all that college is made of?'  Something needs to happen, I thought, right now.  Nothing ever does happen so I'm going to take on the role of making things happen in my writing.  The secret is that no one can ever know my writing and also know me, because I am so not my writing.  The writing reflects lots of things about people that are not very much related to me.  I am quite boring and I see life as being also quite boring.  I admit that maybe I'm just in a pessimistic mood because, even when I love someone, they do not under any circumstances love me the same way.  More than that, they rarely even start up conversations with me and I begin to feel like I'm outside of my body.  I'm floating along near the ceiling like a smoky substance and though I know I'm in the room and visible, I'm still searching for something more than what is clearly happening in the room.

Ate dinner at the Rat with Maria, Josh, Brennan, Stephanie, Valeria, Daniel and Kayla.  Felt good when Josh laughed at my joke.  Felt hurt when Stephanie ignored me and again when I got up to leave.

Talked with Julia tonight in the Middle Ground about a whole range of topics, such as dogs and cats, dads, families, lesbian existence, homosexual men, characteristics of male power, and sleep.  Laughed with her about my dad's childishness even at after 50 years.  Showed her lame pictures of my cat and dog, Sandy and Spikey, that my dad took.  Said bye to her when she went to exercise.

Walked from my dorm building to the library, to the lair and back to the library, then to the rat then the library.  Runny nose.  Grumpy mood because it is cold.