Goals Come Spring

My goal today is to write every time I sit down to do anything.  I may have to do something else first and then write but regardless, my goal is to write.  I want to do it so that I am reminded of where I am and what I am doing.  Writing helps me to know myself, both in general and at specific moments.  It would make the goal to always write a little easier if I came up with a few questions to ask myself when I feel like there is nothing to write about.  I have tried this recently more so that I have in the past and I believe it will eventually work really well.  Lately I have asked myself the obvious question:  Why is there nothing to write about?  Usually inside I feel what I recognize as apathy, depression, and hopelessness.  A voice inside my head says to stop fooling myself into thinking I have intelligent things to express through writing.  I don't know whose voice it is but I listen to it way too often.  It is the voice that reminds me of my small place in this world, of all the people who will read what I write and say there is nothing happening, and of all of the people more humble than I am who have worked much harder than I have to be writers.  I don't know why I'm so surprised that I give up on myself when I look at what I think before I pull the plug.  My thoughts are not hopeful.  They are disappointed in relationships, education and the world.  I'm sad for internet aliases rather than good communication, the squelching of creativity rather than the worship of it, and the destruction of all that is natural like the trees and forests.

"The optimist is an embodiment of Spring."  If this is so then I must embody winter although I can't stand the cold.  Since I don't embody winter, there must be something wrong with this quote that I read on someone's facebook status.  But what if there isn't anything wrong with it?  My little brother, the optimist, surely embodies spring.  so it must be true.  My only complaint is that I am not being referenced in this quote and it has little to do with me.  It is those other sweet people whom this quote belongs.  I don't know when I stopped considering myself a sweet person but I think it was around the time when I began to comprehend how it is that a person can be so disgusting as to use a person for this quality.

Why am I so upset that I was used because of being sweet?  That's a reason to celebrate!