return, return, return!

While in the midst of scanning my "Favorite Places" through a computer I had not used for years, I came upon a link to this blogger thing I once created. I had forgotten about it entirely. I am very upset with myself for this. I know very well how important it is for me to write out my thoughts and feelings and yet me in all my naivete continue to forget. But there is no need to be a self-downer. This blogger is going to be totalmente positivo. Actually it will be honest which means that if I am fucking pissed off I will curse you making you so afraid that you have to X out the entire screen, AOL and all. Maybe even RESTART your entire computer system.

So much has changed in my life since I wrote those original three blogs. I wrote them one night during freshman year. Like with most of my experiences on this Earth, I can only remember how I was feeling on those nights. That's the problem; all I was doing at the time was feeling. When I meet people or am so much as in the same room as people I can almost immediately sense their specific aura. A lot of people claim to be good at this hyper-vigilant and intuitive stuff but the difference here is that I get it right. I get it right because I didn't (especially not in the past) mix anything about myself with my views of other people. That's why I had 2893749238472983479283 friends until I decided to cut off all social ties and do some serious self-care ... that was after I went through periods of intense depression, severe eating disorder issues, insomnia, etc. So anyway - I was and am still able to see people the way they want to be seen. I do it unconsciously. That's what I see when I look around. I have a filter and it filters out the bad stuff. This was a good thing until I started getting into relationships that were not ideal for me or for what I want in life. And then evil people caught on to what seemed to be a weak sense of self with an insatiable desire to love others .. and then everything just went nutso. But really all of this is just blabber. I am not trying to write a good post .. I'm just getting myself excited for writing good posts every single day until I die happy.